Thinking about quitting? If your dream job turned boring (soul-killing, toxic, unbearable…), you’re probably in a rush to clean out your desk, high-five your coworkers, and joyfully leap out of your office window. Before you do, we have a few “don’ts” to consider if you ever want to work again. Or not. It’s your thing.
1. Burn ALL Your Bridges. Torch them. In writing. Send a #company-wide email listing every grievance you’ve had on the job. Name names. They say even the worst job is a learning experience, but who cares what THEY say anyway?
2. Leave it Like a Wrecking Ball. Quit without #notice. Hell, don’t even call or email…unless you want to take the opportunity to pop your top and vent all the frustration you’ve been bottling up in the form of personal insults directed at your boss.
3. Roll the Dice. Don’t have another job or source of income lined up, and definitely don’t have savings. Cash in your 401K and party like it’s 1999. We’re not calling you stupid, but someone will.
4. Take Your Friends Down With You. Nothing says “FREEBIRD” like quitting and convincing others that they should do the same. We’re looking at you, 1996 Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. You do not complete us.
5. Leave Your Employer Hanging. Update your project status? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Your coworkers are smart; they’ll figure it out. Besides, by the time they find out, you’ll be long gone anyway, right? Not your problem.
6. Save the Best for Last. Sure, the general rule is that your boss should know first, but why should you care? You have weeks…nay, MONTHS, to spend slacking off and trashing your company to any coworker who will listen.
7. Quit in Place. Just stop caring. Let things slide for a while, maybe check out a few Craigslist job listings (though that might cut into your Reddit browsing time). Extra points for posting a pic of your boss’s face to Instagram when he/she catches you slacking off!
8. Misery Loves Company. And pain is a good teacher. Did you actually give notice before quitting? Well, now you have plenty of time to “educate” your boss and coworkers about why you have to leave. They should be thankful for your constructive feedback.
You should also get a face tattoo. Enjoy your newfound freedom/daytime television!
(GIF source: Giphy.com)
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